Triggering Meltdown
Collecting Tears
Distilling Bourbon
Tasting Flavours
Distributing Freedom
Triggering Meltdown
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The Bourbon

Trigger Legendary Drama.
Collect Tears. Pour Freedom.
Repeat.

Buy Now

Origin

Kentucky, USA

Rolling hills, green meadows, and barrels full of tears that taste better than any safe space ever felt. Out here, “land of the free” isn’t just a slogan - it’s a flavor profile.

The Distillery

Turning Tears into Liquid Gold

Sure, we could’ve just made great bourbon. But instead, they went full savage and figured out how to distill leftist tears into sweet Kentucky nectar.

A blend of traditional craft and modern mischief, bottled for people who believe freedom should come with a smooth bourbon.

Flavor & Scent

From Bitterness to Sweet Tears of Joy

Soft oak tannins greet you up front, rolling into warm toasted oak vibes. At 90 proof, it hits with just enough heat to remind you this is the real deal.

On the tongue?
Creamy, buttery smoothness with sweet butterscotch and a vanilla wafer finish. Because liberty should go down silky - and leave a lingering grin.

Details

Origin
Kentucky, USA
Mashbill
70% corn, 21% rye, 9% malted barley
Tasting Notes:
Color: Rich mahogany
Nose: Oak mingling with caramel, vanilla,
and dried fruit
Taste: Soft oak upfront, evolving into toasted oak lactones. Creamy, buttery mouthfeel with sweet butterscotch and a vanilla wafer finish.
Specifications
- Non-chill filtered
- Kentucky Straight Bourbon blend
- 45.47% ABV* We’re perfecting this number because precision matters.

(Unlike some “fact-checkers.”)

Legends Limited Edition BoxeS

Holiday SALE

Buy 2, Get 3rd at 50% OFF
Use Code: CRYMORE
Rob Schneider
𝕏 Legends Mystery Box

COMMIE Tear Stone Edition

$ 109.99 

$ 99.99 

Holiday SALE - Buy 2, Get 3rd at 50% OFF + Free Shipping* - Use Code: CRYMORE
We’re thrilled (and slightly overwhelmed) to report that Democrat tears have flooded our distillery. We underestimated just how emotional they’d get.
Kentucky’s running low on barrels, and our bottling crew is knee-deep in liberal sorrow. We’re refilling as fast as we can! Expect fresh bottles to arrive in early January. The taste of freedom is always worth the wait.
Arriving In Early January / Reserve Now
* Free shipping except HI & AK $50 shipping rate. ** Stone color is indicative; supply may vary.
Kevin Sorbo
𝕏 Legends Mystery Box

SNOWFLAKE Tear Stone Edition

$ 109.99 

$ 99.99 

Holiday SALE - Buy 2, Get 3rd at 50% OFF + Free Shipping* - Use Code: CRYMORE
We’re thrilled (and slightly overwhelmed) to report that Democrat tears have flooded our distillery. We underestimated just how emotional they’d get.
Kentucky’s running low on barrels, and our bottling crew is knee-deep in liberal sorrow. We’re refilling as fast as we can! Expect fresh bottles to arrive in early January. The taste of freedom is always worth the wait.
Arriving In Early January / Reserve Now
* Free shipping except HI & AK $50 shipping rate. ** Stone color is indicative; supply may vary.
GLOBALIST Tear Stone
𝕏 Legends Mystery Box

GLOBALIST Tear Stone Edition

$ 109.99 

Holiday SALE - Buy 2, Get 3rd at 50% OFF + Free Shipping* - Use Code: CRYMORE
Box shipped after reveal.
* Free shipping except HI & AK $50 shipping rate. ** Stone color is indicative; supply may vary.
FEMINIST Tear Stone
𝕏 Legends Mystery Box

FEMINIST Tear Stone Edition

$ 109.99 

Holiday SALE - Buy 2, Get 3rd at 50% OFF + Free Shipping* - Use Code: CRYMORE
Box shipped after reveal.
* Free shipping except HI & AK $50 shipping rate. ** Stone color is indicative; supply may vary.
DEI Tear Stone
𝕏 Legends Mystery Box

DEI Tear Stone Edition

$ 109.99 

Holiday SALE - Buy 2, Get 3rd at 50% OFF + Free Shipping* - Use Code: CRYMORE
Box shipped after reveal.
* Free shipping except HI & AK $50 shipping rate. ** Stone color is indicative; supply may vary.

Collect all the Legends

Why settle for one legend… when you could roll with the whole crew?

Collectors Edition Contains: - SNOWFLAKE Tear Stone Edition - COMMIE Tear Stone Edition - GLOBALIST Tear Stone Edition - DEI Tear Stone Edition - FEMINIST Tear Stone Edition + Free Gift

$ 499.95 

$ 449.95 

Holiday SALE - $50 OFF + Free Shipping*
Boxes shipped after all legends revealed
* Free shipping except HI & AK $50 shipping rate. ** Stone color is indicative; supply may vary.
All Boxes shipped by late Summer

Unboxing Legend Limited Edition Boxes

You bring the memes. We bring the bourbon.

Join the Club

Insider drops. Secret recipes for bourbon cocktails. Hot takes from the Legend Tear Collectors.
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